It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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