he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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