Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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