Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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