I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
