let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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