oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
