there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
