can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
this boner is exhausting
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
