Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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