i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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