It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
