Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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