Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
