I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize