Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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