you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
