Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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