Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
