What a fucking waste of an outfit
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
