If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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