I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
