Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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