He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
