I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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