Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
