Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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