do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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