so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
