just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
