matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
