Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
two words...techno handjob
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
