It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I cockslap morals
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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