you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
