Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
