The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
