Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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