I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
