actually, I'm a sock model
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
