i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
