my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
