btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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