I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
