What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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