dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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