My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
