I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
