So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
