I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
