I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
