i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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