How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The air was thick with penises
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We have so much sex to catch up on
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize