I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
