I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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