$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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