fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
