Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
