Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
