I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize