Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
