Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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