apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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