Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
