I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
