Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize