My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
