I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Randomize
