the day after is always just damage control
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
