the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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