So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
