I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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