Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
