I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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