You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
