whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
