I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
