The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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