Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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