She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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