You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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