Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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