I have demons in me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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