i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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