problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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