Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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