i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
