She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize