I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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