Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
