i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
