I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
