I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize