Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize