Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
