my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
