she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
