it was like his penis was on wheels.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
