We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
