Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
