by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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