he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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